Raising Children....
7:16 PM Edit This 5 Comments »
I might just fail at this....
Nate and I were talking the other night... we are pretty tough on Taylor. Not all the time but we both seem to lose our patience pretty quickly at other times. (sigh) Example: TJ kept putting a dinosaur toy in my face and roaring while I was nursing Lee... I said "Don't do that TJ" he did it again... I said "STOP THAT or I'll break it".... he did it again.... I reached out lightning fast and broke that Dinosaur claw toy in two. He ran off crying about how horrible his mother is and crying because he doesn't have any money to get a new one... I sat there mad but realizing that I probably shouldn't have broken his toy. (sigh)
This is just one many examples....
My thoughts: I would never have reacted that way if there had been someone else in the room. Why do I act that way when I am by myself. If I continue to lose my cool I will raise a boy that loses his cool... do I really want to be his example for that? Just because I'm older it doesn't give me the right to lose my cool so quickly... I would never allow my children to act like that towards each other.
How do I solve this? If I always act as if someone else is in the room, wouldn't that be the better approach? After all isn't my Heavenly Father always aware of my actions. Is it possible to find more patience? I am 31 years old... how come I don't know how to do this?
Anyways... I just had to spill my thoughts for a moment..... (sigh)
Nate and I were talking the other night... we are pretty tough on Taylor. Not all the time but we both seem to lose our patience pretty quickly at other times. (sigh) Example: TJ kept putting a dinosaur toy in my face and roaring while I was nursing Lee... I said "Don't do that TJ" he did it again... I said "STOP THAT or I'll break it".... he did it again.... I reached out lightning fast and broke that Dinosaur claw toy in two. He ran off crying about how horrible his mother is and crying because he doesn't have any money to get a new one... I sat there mad but realizing that I probably shouldn't have broken his toy. (sigh)
This is just one many examples....
My thoughts: I would never have reacted that way if there had been someone else in the room. Why do I act that way when I am by myself. If I continue to lose my cool I will raise a boy that loses his cool... do I really want to be his example for that? Just because I'm older it doesn't give me the right to lose my cool so quickly... I would never allow my children to act like that towards each other.
How do I solve this? If I always act as if someone else is in the room, wouldn't that be the better approach? After all isn't my Heavenly Father always aware of my actions. Is it possible to find more patience? I am 31 years old... how come I don't know how to do this?
Anyways... I just had to spill my thoughts for a moment..... (sigh)
5 comments:
You did not lose your cool. You broke a toy. You didn't break his nose. You taught your son that there are consiequences for his actions. You told him what would happen and if you didn't carry it out, you would have lost a small battle, and a lot of lost battles will lose the war. Never threaten anything, you cannot carry out.He has a right to know that people react with anger, to wrongs especially the law and courts. If you never get angry and or use your temper, he will think that the world will not get angry with him ,no matter what he does. He will find himself butting heads with other kids and teachers when he starts school. To never discipline a child is child abuse. If you don't discipline, the world will. Never feel too much guilt about your anger. Your intitled, its your job, to be mean if you have to. You can talk afterwards about HIS actions. Don't apologize for yours. Make him do the apologies. Let him know your the boss and that you can be meaner than a junkyard dog. Don't let intellectual idiots make you feel guilty about a normal reaction to a child who is not respecting you. You can walk around with a belt around your neck and use it now and then. Heh heh heh. Remember when i had one around my neck down in Arkansas. You kids got good in a hurry. Hey lighten up on yourself. Next week he will be 20 years old.
Loves ya all- Gramsie
Dearest Darlingest Parent,
This is a rough stage and you're doing a GREAT job. Don't get down on yourself for being human. I agree with Gramsie about discussing his actions and focusing on how the both of you can do better. When he observes you trying to better yourself, he'll follow your example. (If you were perfect, you'd be inaccessible to him as he makes mistakes...) I personally think you're near as perfect as you can be, dear girl.
Nannying is not even in the same ballpark as parenting, but whoy do I remember days when I lost my cool and regretted it later! It happens to us all.
Our good friend Gina has been struggling with some similar things right now - your boys are in the same developmental age range. Her blog is workingmomofliam.blogspot.com - you could connect with her and find some friendly support for you both.
LOVE YOU!
Oh Heather! I feel your struggle! I go through the same thing with Spencer. I would have done the same thing! If I lose my temper with him, I don't hesitate to apologize, but I don't ever minimize his actions either. I don't have any words of advice (since I feel the same way!)-- just encouragement. :) He's a great kid and you are a wonderful mom!!
All we can do is try to be better today than we were yesterday. With time, effort, and prayer the Lord has promised us that He will help us make our weaknesses become our strengths. Give your children the love and guidance they need and they will be fine. Don't be afraid to say you're sorry and set a righteous for him. Children respond very well to boundaries and love. If children feel secure as they grow they will be able to turn to you when the world is a dark place.
Don't give up Heather, NONE of us is close to perfection yet. But we can have peace knowing we have the perfect example and source to which to turn when we struggle.
a bit behind in reading, but I'm so glad I read this post. I'm right there with you, Sweetie. Only it's Ethan that I lose my cool with more often than not. He's such a little brute, always hitting and pinching. I catch myself yelling at him. I wasn't aware just how much I yelled and how horrible it sounded until Meghan started yelling at him too.....and sounds just like me. Like you, I know I would never act that way if there were someone else in the room to see my anger. I don't think it's wrong to get mad, and I don't think it's wrong for our kids to know that we're mad at them. They have to realize that their actions have consequences and one of those consequences could be anger. But, I'm going to work very, very hard at not yelling and swearing at my one year old son when he digs those razor sharp claws of his into my skin. And I'm going to work very hard at figuring out the right way to show him my anger without scaring (or scarring) the little guy.
thank you for sharing your own struggles with this. You happen to be one of those people that I admire and would like to be more like so it makes me feel better when you admit that sometimes you're just as lost as I am.
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